Where Were You Last Night?
by The Magnificent Kiwi
Summary: Jesse and Suze have a fight, and Suze sends Jesse packing. She wants to hurt him as much as he hurt her, despite the obvious consequences. And there is one person who could tear him apart: Paul Slater.


**AN- My first ever Suze/Paul-ish fic. It's a Suze/Jesse, really, but...just read it and find out. You'll probably end up feeling sorry for Paul.**

**Let's just say that I'm not exactly feeling like I'm running through a field of flowers at the moment. Dark moods call for dark fics. It's probably rubbish, and if it is, I'll probably delete it when I cheer up. So, review and let me know you opinions. I know what it's like to pick away at things and make them seem worse than they actually are. And I also know what it feels like to want to emotionally hurt someone so bad, you don't care what the consequences are.This is what happens when Suze does just that.**

**The song can be from Suze or Jesse's POV, whichever you chooose. Personally, I like to choose Jesse's POV. I can't remember who sang the original, but the lyrics are from Where Were You Last Night? by Nightwish.**

**I'm rating this 'M' just to be safe. My first 'M' fic, lol :P.**

**Review please :).**

**Kiwi xx**

**19/8/2006...edited for spelling/grammatical errors...(well, as best I could)**

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**Where Were You Last Night?**

_**Still  
Spinning round in my head  
How I regret everything that I said**_

"_Querida_, please say something!" He begged, his voice as soft as silk. Usually that voice would break my heart and I would run back into his arms, forgetting all that he had done wrong. But not this time.

I pressed a finger to the glass of the window. It was dark out, so I could clearly see my own reflection, my tear-stained face and bloody lip. Despite the fact that I had drew blood, I continued to chew on my bottom lip. It was the only comfort I seemed to have. Behind me, Jesse's reflection stared helplessly at me, looking as gorgeous as ever in stonewashed jeans and a short-sleeved shirt.

I saw the reflection move as its owner cautiously approached me, as if I may explode if he moved too fast. I didn't move until he was right behind me. A hand came up and touched my bare arm, the long, tanned fingers caressing the skin. But I couldn't stand to let him touch me. I hated the way that he could make me feel as if I had never been angry at him. Because I was, and this time the wound ran too deep to be healed by gentle words and soft touches.

I pulled my arm away an instant after his hand had landed on it.

"Don't touch me," I spat, turning to walk away. Nobody was worth this, not even him.

"Susannah, why are you being like this?" He asked. I laughed incredulously. How dare he! After all that he had put me through, how dare he act like _I_ am responsible.

I told him this, turning to see the effect my words had on him. I saw with some satisfaction that he looked almost as bad as I was trying to make him feel.

"Five times this has happened!" I screamed at him, letting all of the anger and hatred that I felt pour out into those words. "Five times you have stood me up. And not for college, or work or an emergency. You stood me up to go out with your 'friends'! You didn't even bother to call me and tell me not to bother showing up! Twice, I stood outside in the freezing cold for hours, waiting for you!"

Then, he laughed. Laughed! After all he had put me through, he was laughing at me!

Our relationship hadn't been going right for a while now. He told me that he would take me out to make it up to me; a full blown romantic lunch. But each and every time, he would be asked to lunch by his college buddies at the last minute, and he would blow me off. Once, he even came in drunk (and Jesse_ never_ drinks!), not even realising that we had a date. If he wanted to go out with his friends, that was fine by me, I'm not his mother. But he could at least have had the decency to call me and tell me that it was cancelled. But to let me wait for him for hours while he laughed it up with his buddies. That was hard to forgive.

Tonight was the last straw. I only waited for fifteen minutes this time before walking home. Then I saw him, laughing in a burger bar with the same three friends he had ditched me for over the past four dates. I just stood there for what seemed like an eternity, staring at them, wondering if it was me they were laughing about. Because I'm sure they did. Laugh about me, I mean. I was just this poor sap who followed Jesse around, no will of her own. When he saw me, he didn't even looked shocked. He just stared right back at me before it finally dawned on him why I was glaring at him, willing him to drop dead (again) on the spot. When he did realise, he jumped right out of his seat and ran after me. But I got a head start. I jumped into the back of a cab and returned to our apartment where I paced the living room floor until he arrived, trying to sort out the millions of thoughts that were zooming through my head.

"Is that what all this is about?" He asked, his laughter ceasing due to my hurt expression. "Susannah, I told you that I was sorry. I made a mistake...alright, _five_ mistakes, but..."

"It's not just that, Jesse," I told him, a fresh stream of tears racing down my cheeks. "I hate...I hate the way you make me feel. When...when we first started going out, you made me feel incredible; like I was the only person in the world who mattered. But now...now I just feel ashamed. I feel like the trophy girlfriend. You think that you can just ignore me, and I'll still be there when you're ready to be a proper boyfriend again? I'm not sixteen years old anymore! I'm twenty-one! You don't seem to care about how I feel anymore. I'm a college student, too, you know. I could be out there having fun, playing the field. But instead, I stay with you. Because for some unfathomable reason, I am in love with you. But do you know how hard it has been for me to play the good little girlfriend? I have put my values aside to respect yours. I agreed on the no-sex-until-marriage rule to respect_ your_ beliefs! Even though every time you pull away, a bit of my soul is torn apart as I wonder if I'm not good enough for you, or if you're ashamed of me. I gave up the life of a normal teenager to satisfy you! And so far I have received nothing in return. Nothing but half-hearted promises and lies. I'm sick of it!"

Jesse did't reply. But he didn't need to; I saw a tear slide down his cheek as he approached me again. But I wouldn't let him touch me. I hated how he made me feel so worthless, yet so cherished at the same time.

"Am I worth nothing to you?" I asked. He shook his head.

"_Querida_, you mean everything to me," he assured me, his voice as sincere as it had ever been. But as far as I was concerned, it was too late.

"I need some time to think," I told him. "I think that...I think that maybe you should stay at one of your friends' apartments tonight." I put an unfriendly emphasis on the word 'friends'.

"You-you're not serious?" He asked disbelievingly. I was shocked. How could _he_ be angry? I nodded, as if it would prove how serious I actually was. "Susannah, this is ridiculous!" His voice rose a few decibels.

"Not as ridiculous as how you've been making me feel lately," I told him. His face contorted into an expression of pure anger.

"Susannah, don't be-" He started.

"Just go, Jesse!" I screamed. "I don't want to look at you!"

And he did.

_**Why did I tell you to go?  
Saving my pride but losing my soul**_

I don't know how look it took me to realise what a huge mistake I had just made. Probably seconds. I loved Jesse. Despite everything I had been feeling lately, I loved him.

I collapsed onto the cold linoleum that made up the kitchen floor. What have I done?

A little voice in the back of my head began to scold myself for being so harsh. _You love him_, it said.

But then another voice, stronger than the other, spoke out. I'm guessing that this was my pride. Battered and bruised by my boyfriend, it was furious. _You may love him, but look at how much he has made you suffer! Make him pay. Hurt him as much as he has hurt you. For all those times you cried yourself to sleep in your lonely bed, wondering if he was with another woman. Hurt him bad._

The second voice seemed to give me immeasurable strength. I pulled myself up and reached for the kitchen phone, one name on my mind.

Paul Slater.

_**I'm here all alone  
Still wait by the phone  
The hours go by  
What else could I do but to cry?**_

I sobbed down the phone at him. It really was pathetic. But I needed him here, now. If there was one person who could tear Jesse's soul into pieces, it was Paul Slater.What can I say? I was desperate. I was lonely. But most of all, I was furious.

Paul arrived within ten minutes, and I fell into his arms as he came through the door. To say that he was shocked was an understatement. Paul and I had become friends over the past four years.

"Suze?" He asked, taken offguard. "Have you...have you been drinking?"

Only slightly. I had drank the rest of the bottle of vodka I had stashed in the back of the fridge in the ten minutes before Paul's arrival. I needed it to numb the pain. But it only made it worse. After a few moments of silence, he gently wrapped his arms around me.

"Hey, it's alright," he whispered into my hair. "It's alright."

But it wasn't. The voices returned, the small one screaming _What are you doing? You should be chasing after Jesse! Or at least crying into your pillow! Not in Paul Slater's arms._

But his embrace was merely a friendly, comforting one. I knew that. But so did the other voice. _Who says that Jesse isn't in some other girl's arms right now? He's not answering his cell. Who is to say that he hasn't been cheating on you all along? There are still those nights you don't know where he was. If you want to pay him back, this is how._

But I couldn't. True, knowing that he had driven me to give my 'most precious' thing to Paul would tear Jesse apart. But it would also hurt me. Not that I was capable of feeling much other than anger at the moment. And did I really want to hurt Jesse that much? Was I really _that_ twisted?

_**I call and I call  
Just to make things right  
Have I lost the fight?  
Where were you last night?**_

Yes.

That was obviously the answer, because my body pushed itself (of its own volition) against Paul's, my lips smashing against his own. I felt his hands on my shoulders, pushing me away. But why? He lost his virginity years ago, so he didn't have anything to worry about, right?

"Suze, what are you doing?" He gasped, holding me at arms length. A pang of anger shot through me.

"I...I just want to know what I've missed," I told him. "My life has been on hold because of Jesse, and now that he's gone..." I trailed off. Jesse wasn't gone forever. Technically we were still together. But my body was out of my control now. The real Susannah Simon was cowering in a dark corner of my mind, too weak to take control.

"I-I used to like you, you know," I continued, leaning closer to him. "You were right; I did feel something the first time we kissed." Yes, Suze, _lust_, not love._ Love_ is what you feel for Jesse. "I guess I was just...too scared to admit it."

Paul's grip loosened and he allowed me to kiss him once again. Let me tell you, the years have been kind to Paul Slater. He was no longer, boyishly good looking, but devastatingly handsome. Although not as handsome as...stop it! Don't even think about him right now.

It was hard not to. Think of Jesse, that is. Even as Paul's hand slid beneath my top and up towards places that only Jesse had touched before. I moaned slightly into the kiss. But it was a moan of satisfaction, not enjoyment. Don't get me wrong, it felt good, just not as good as...I attempted to think of something other than my estranged boyfriend, but it was impossible. As Paul deepened the kiss, memories of the happier times that Jesse and I had spent together swam through my mind. And in my minds eye it was Jesse, not Paul, who picked me up and carried me to the bedroom, taking a wrong turn and ending up in the bathroom before backing up and turning the other way. But no matter what my mind told me, my body knew that this was not the man I loved. The skin of his hands was perfect and unblemished; no calluses or tough skin. I knew this as his hand slid up my thigh and under my skirt after having lid me down on the bed. When Jesse touched the exact same place, feelings I cannot describe burned through every vein, and my eyes would practically roll into the back of my head from the sheer pleasure of it. I did feel something now, but it wasn't the same.

_**I beg and I cry  
I keep asking why  
Where were you last night?  
Where were you last night?**_

My mind blocked itself off from what was happening. My body felt my top and bra leave my body, but my mind was numb. Then it hit me; all of the negative emotions that I had been feeling from Jesse weren't there at all. It was all me. I had picked and picked at our relationship until the good stuff was gone and all I was left with was raw sewage. I moaned again as Paul's lips found a very sensitive spot on my neck and I felt him smile.

"You like that?" He purred. I could do nothing but groan in reply. This is what I had been missing with Jesse. Every time he pulled away, I was in emotional agony. Thousands of questions plagued my mind; _Does he not love me? Do I repulse him? Is he ashamed of me?_ Deep down it felt as though he was still treating me like a child. The bratty child who invaded his home over five years ago. Those were my values, and they clashed dangerously with his. I knew that they were all ridiculous; I knew that he loved me, and he constantly told me how beautiful I was. But I couldn't stop the thoughts from appearing. To me, sex is the greatest way of expressing love; it shows that you trust the person and have the utmost respect for them.

_Then why are you doing this?_

And I honestly didn't know. Paul's lips caressed the sensitive skin of my breasts and it drove me crazy when his lips moved to the centre, but the physical ecstacy was all there was to it. I was emotionally dead. I felt him shrug off his jeans and I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him down. The underwear went next, and we were suddenly both naked. Paul had a very feral look in his eye and he kissed me again, _something_ brushing up against my leg.

_Stop this now!_

The voice was strong. And I knew that I should obey it. I was saving myself for Jesse. Or at least for someone I love. Not Paul Slater.

_**Lost  
In the dark and my fears  
If only you saw the tracks of my tears  
I think I'm losing my mind  
Where did you go and what did you find?**_

I felt that _something_ move further north and suddenly I was gripped by a new, powerful feeling.

Fear.

I couldn't believe that I was actually going to let this happen. I was going to give everything away just to hurt Jesse, who didn't even deserve to be hurt in the first place. Tears came to my eyes as Paul's hand gripped my right butt cheek and he prepared to enter me. This was ridiculous. We didn't even have protection.

"Stop!" I cried. And he did. He quit kissing me (which caused my body to complain quite a bit) and he looked me in the eye.

_**I'm here all alone  
Still wait by the phone  
The hours go by  
What else could I do but to cry?**_

"What?" He was panting rather heavily. And I can't say that I blame him. I, myself, was covered in sweat.

"I-I can't do this," I sobbed, attempting to push him off. But he was heavy. And everytime my hand touched that muscular chest, I felt my resolve weaken and momentarily felt the urge to pull him that last few inches.

"What the hell? Suze!" He was exasperated. And I was terrified. He was all riled up now. All he would have to do was move up an inch or so and my life (and relationship) would be ruined.

"I can't do this to him," I sobbed, not even attempting to fight him off anymore. But I didn't need to, because he pulled away and sat upright. Despite the gravity of the situation, I couldn't help but appreciate the view. I may not be in love with him, but his fully-clothed body was enough to make any girl squirm, never mind his naked one.

"Him," he repeated, looking extremely hurt for some reason. "You did this just to get back at him!" His tone was accusatory. "You don't actually feel anything for me?"

I shook my head, completely and utterly ashamed of myself.

"You used me!" He yelled. I nodded, the tears cascading down my cheeks. Yes, I had used him. I am a stupid, dumb whore. An emotional wreck, intent on dragging as many people as possible down with her.

"You used me to get back at him, knowing fine _fucking_ well how I feel about you!" He was pissed now. He jumped down off the bed and picked up his clothes, putting them back on as he went.

"I thought that you were better than that, _Susannah_!" I cried even harder, grabbing at the sheets to cover myself.

_What have I done?_

"I hope you find what you're looking for," he said, pulling on his jacket and moving towards the bedroom door. "For the sake of every man you meet."

_**I call and I call  
Just to make things right  
Have I lost the fight  
Where were you last night?**_

His words struck deep. I watched him throw my a pitied look before he stormed out, leaving me to lie in the bed that _I_ had made (both literally and figuratively). As soon as I heard the front door shut, I reached for the phone. _Please answer. _But, of course, he didn't. Maybe he _had_ found someone else. Whoever it was, I hope that they treat him better than I did.

_**I beg and I cry  
I keep asking why  
Where were you last night?  
Where were you last night?**_

I slept for what seemed like an eternity. But in reality, it was only ten hours. I woke up to find myself naked in the bed I share - sorry, used to share - with Jesse.

Then, it all hit me.

It's funny, isn't it? The first few seconds after you wake up are pure bliss. You can't remember anything from the previous day. To you, it is just a new day, no troubles, no stress. I actually expected to wake up with Jesse's arm around me, as usual. But, instead, I woke up alone.

Then I remembered what had happened. My argument with Jesse. And..._Oh, God_...Paul! I almost slept with Paul Slater!

It took me a while to realise that I was being watched. Tearing my eyes away from the ceiling, I saw Jesse leaning casually against the doorframe. Just seeing him made my heart spring back into life. My blood began to flow once again to areas of my brain that had been declared legally dead last night. But my exitement was short-lived when I saw his expresion.

He knew.

Don't ask me how, but somehow he knew.

"Slater," he told me, an unrecognisable emotion laced through every syllable. "He told me I should speak to you. He told me-" He looked down at the floor, deliberately avoiding my gaze.

"How could you do such a thing?" He asked, not angry for some reason. "How could you give something so precious away to someone you don't even love?" I snorted. Unattractive, I know. But I was sitting here completely naked (although the bedsheet was covering the bits that mattered), so dignity didn't exactly come into the equation. Hell, most of my dignity had fell away with my underwear last night. Stupid little Miss Yo-Yo Knickers.

"At least someone actually _wants_ it." I clasped my hand over my mouth, unable to believe that I had just said that. "I'm sorry, I didn't-" Jesse held up a hand to silence me and sat on the bed beside me.

_**I'm here all alone  
Still wait by the phone  
the hours go by  
what else could i do but to cry**_

"I know that you did it to hurt me," he said, hurt now evident in his voice. "I have been acting like a fool lately. You do not deserve to be treated the way I have been treating you. My actions have been...inexcusable."

"Jesse, it was all me," I said, sobbing once again. "I picked, picked, picked at our relationship until I could see nothing good. I ended up hurting myself, and blaming you for everything."

He raised a hand and brushed away my tears with his thumb.

"If I hadn't given you reason to pick, then this would not have happened," he said. I realised for the first time that he was holding a bag. I didn't know what was inside it. But he placed it on the bed beside me and reached into one of the pockets on his jacket.

"So...you...you don't hate me? For what I...almost did last night," I asked, my voice faltering. "Even though I almost cheated on you. Even though I deliberately set out to hurt you, not caring that I would be hurt in the process?"

"_Querida_, I-I _am_ hurt. It pains me to think of you two...together. But I guess that I deserve it. I haven't exactly been treating you right lately." His fingers closed aroundsomething in his pocket and his hand froze. "So, I want to show you howdevoted to you Itruly am. I want to prove to you thatI want to spend the rest of my life with you." He removed his hand from his pocket and produced a blue velvet box. Inside was the most beautiful ring I have ever seen. Diamond and emerald.

"Marry me?"

_**I call and I call  
Just to make things right  
HaveI lost the fight?  
Where were you last night?**_

How could I say no? He was promising himself to me for the rest of our lives (and if Madam Zara was correct, then for all eternity). He pulled me close to him once I gave him my answer ("yes") and I felt the sheet between us slip away. But I didn't care. He loved me. There was no other woman. Just me. And he was going to love me forever.

_**I beg and I cry**_

"Jesse?"

"Yes, _Querida_?"

"What's in the bag?"

And he showed me.

_**Where were you last night?**_

And do you know what it was?

Condoms.

_**Where were you last night?**_


End file.
